Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
