I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
