I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
