her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
operation have a gay friend backfired
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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