RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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