Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Holy shit dude........stairs
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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