they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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