super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
