That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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