i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
