Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
