i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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