Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
