i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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