They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
