I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
