I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
