Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
