Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Acid is not a monday night drug
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
