Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
