that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
