tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
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i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
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Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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