wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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