Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
