Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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