woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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