yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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