plz talk dirty to me
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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