Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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