Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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