remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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