she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
