you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
