There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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