dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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