Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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