True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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