im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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