Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
