Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
