I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
a search helicopter?!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
