You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
