He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
