There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
