o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
