Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
