drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
