i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My breasts were aching with rage.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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