Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
