Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
