My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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