is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
please come you make the beer taste better
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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