problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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