Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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