I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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