Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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