I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
