wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
