he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
