I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize