Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
