How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
