I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize