omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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