I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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