You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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