this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
