and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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