So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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