after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
