mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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